grandpaboy

Time Out

2008-09-24T22:55:00.003-04:00

Senator McCain (fourth from left) takes a strategic break

Evidently, some people are only now reorganzing their priorities, in light of the world's increasing fucked-upness*. As any reader can see, I long ago chose to suspend Grandpaboy-related activities due to the whole "cats and dogs living together" thing, in favor of...

Bullet-points!

[lame resume device] My Great American Novel!
[lame resume device] Work on stately Grandpaboy Manor!
[lame resume device] My continued work as America's Least Powerful Elected Official!**
[lame resume device] "The world must be peopled!"

But I have re-entered the fray. Mostly because I want to make sure that McCain gets his ass kicked so hard, he'll see Mondale looking back everytime he stares into his wife's coke mirror.***

* Oh, it is a word. Look it up.

** Grandpaboy Fun Fact - I got 300 less votes than Sarah Palin. On the other hand, my friends, I have managed not put the Hilltop 20 million in debt, my friends.

*** I'm kidding. She did pills, not coke.

My Favorite Holiday

2007-04-02T09:41:00.000-04:00

Amazing true fact: Mr. Red's bulbous head is filled with pockets of helium that allow him to defy simple physics!

Opening Day ranks with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas in the first tier of hallowed days. So I'll spend a little extra time around the radio today, maybe pick up some Skyline for lunch and hope that the Reds don't get slaughtered. I've already had about as much of WLW's coverage as I can stand - putting Mike McConnel and Tracy Jones together is like rancid peanut butter and fuzzy jelly.

[And in petty grandpaboy fashion, let me add - who the hell is Tracy "Unless you played the game like me, you don't know what you're talking about" Jones? That's right. No stupid guys have ever played baseball. Jones is like Tim McCarver, but without the respectable playing career. But he's got plenty of WLW-style hot air, the basic ingredient that allows a group of social misfits to broadcast with all the grace and charm of pro-wrestling.]

Back to the fun! I like Thom Brennaman and hope he'll breathe life into his dad's golden years. Marty makes me sound like a ray of sunshine on meth. I think Dunn and Griff will perform better than last year. I think Josh Hamilton is the goods. I think if the stiffs pitching 3,4, and 5 can stick around .500, Harang and Arroyo can get the Reds to 90 wins and the Central title. I think I'm in love and I know I'll get my heart broke.

Triple Word Score

2007-03-28T23:22:00.000-04:00

Lordy. Three weeks of skipping over the cheapest, funnest, warmest alternative to the SXSW. I can stand slacking off my own brand of brechtian Buckeye boarishness, but I don't want to live in a world without obscure references to the Question.

"At 3:28 am, Michigan J. Frog was found dead in his toilet. A preliminary autopsy indicated possible overdose."

"Which tooth had the cyanide capsule?"

Seems like a lot of trouble just to guard some cheese.

Babe Ruth. Still Dead.

2007-03-19T21:59:00.000-04:00

Opening Day should suck a little less this year.

If you're lucky, the crappy team you root for every year will spend April and May playing scrappy, getting their uniforms dirty and, the good Lord willin', give 110%. Or you're a Pirates fan.

If you're extra-shiny lucky, the crappy team you root for will manufacture some feel good story to ease the slushy grayness of February and March. For the Cincinnati Reds, that feel good story has a name. It's ~~Josh Hamilton~~ C. Trent Rosencrans.

Replacing the affable Mark Lancaster at the doomed Post, C. Trent has been a breath of fresh air in a baseball town that too often smells like Marty and Joe locked in a tiny radio booth with coneys with plenty of mustard and onion, Bud longnecks, and Camels.

You have to admire C. Trent, a man who silently moves past the fugly new spring training gear MLB markets, and invents new teams. The guy's popping out names like he was Adam on Day 8. And unlike the Nicknamer-in-Chief, they're actually funny: the General Shermans, Satan's Rays of Sunshine, and Pure Evil.

Speaking of the Yanks, C. Trent may have already peaked. Noting the field-blocking pillar the Yanks have at their overpriced spring training grounds, C. Trent found visiting media can't actually watch the game. But they are treated to a framed picture of the Whammer. Which led C. Trent to proved his web fans with a Babe update at the bottom of each inning.

These are the kinds of things that ease the periods between Pete Rose press releases/ autograph signings.

Schmidt Shrieking, Covered in Sick

2007-03-18T21:50:00.000-04:00

The headlines write themselves...

Goodness knows I've been remiss in so many ways. But I'd be überremiss if I failed to point out this ray of Schadenfreude from Crooks and Liars...

Meanwhile, today on the Hill, Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio) was seen making a spectacle of herself when the unlucky lawmaker slipped and fell in what we’re told was vomit, in a bathroom in Cannon... “She made THE biggest scene [grandpaboy: How do you recognize the great ones? Grace. Under. Pressure.] in the hallway,” says a staffer who escaped the, um, regurgitation. “It’s literally all down her back.”

That's got to be worth a year full of St. Patrick's Days right there.

The Weekly(ish) Non-Random Post

2007-02-23T14:49:00.000-05:00

"RAHR. How much Hulk drink last night?"

Trapped in a world we never made! Go soak up the radioactive gamma goodness.

Meet the Mayor

2007-02-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

Contemplating the Bill Todd candidacy.

Mayor Coleman invited local activists and neighborhood commissioners to a pre-State of the City meeting. He listed the challenges facing the city: inadequate infrastructures (specifically school and neighborhood sidewalks and street drainage, primarily on the Southside), the City Center mess (he's optimistic about the new ownership, but foretells the situation worsening before a costly fix), and preparing for Columbus' 2012 bicentennial.

For anyone interested in more details, check out the State of the City speech 6pm tonight at the Southern Theater.

Cowtown Crisis

2007-02-22T00:19:00.000-05:00

"Leave me alone! I'm dead and fictional."

The weather-ninnies on our local "news" stations dished out a new slice of terror this morning - "FREEZING FOG!" Due to some undiagnosed speech impediment, I can only repeat this phrase as "freezing frog" which sounds like some kind of lame Spider-Man villain. And I don't need that cluttering up my mind right now. I still haven't managed to forget the Venom origin story.

Let the Healing Begin

2007-02-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

"Who rules Koaladome? Master Blaster!"

The Filler That Dares Not Speak Its Name. What else are you going to do - watch Anna Nicole retrospectives?

Saving the Engine House

2007-02-08T13:11:00.000-05:00

One of the highlights of February's Greater Hilltop Area Commission meeting (along with City Councilman Andy Ginther's visit), was the second presentation in a series of four by David Green of Design Group. As was stated at his first presentation before the GHAC zoning board, the city will invest 8 million dollars into the new Health Center.

The architects have stated they will preserves the Engine House. Their goal is to preserve the stamped tin ceilings, staircases and other character details on the inside. The first floor space will be reserved as community meeting space. The addition will be sit on Broad Streat, and be built to compliment but not mimic the Engine House. A good example of this approach is the Main Library downtown. In their two presentations, respect for the existing architecture has been stressed. Additionally, they are building for LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) certification of a "green" building.

The downside is that the project will not be completed until 2008. Planning is hung up in zoning right now, due to the parcel being split between C4, R, and TND. In the meantime, that allows plenty of opportunity for community interaction with the architects. I've been very impressed by their attitude.

Further discussion and updates to the project will be presented at the GHAC meeting on Tuesday, March 6.

That Magic Time of Month

2007-02-05T23:51:00.000-05:00

The Greater Hilltop Area Commission will be meeting Tuesday, February 6, at 7pm in the Hilltop Library. Be there, or be uninvolved.

As a further public service, and of more interest to all those outside of Columbus Westside, American Electric Power wants to raise your rates. GHAC chair Gary Baker II passed along the following activists' tips from Linda Walls Rominski and the Ohio Cosumers' Council:

Please join us and express your opinion about AEP's proposed rate increase.

The meeting has been rescheduled for February 22 6pm at Wolfe Park Shelter House on 105 Park Drive (near Bexley) Columbus, Ohio 43209. More details at http://www.pickocc.org/action/aep_increase.shtml

When public utility issues affect you directly, you may have an opportunity to get involved. One of the best ways to make your voice heard is to testify at local public hearings.

Get informed

A public hearing is held by the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio (PUCO) to inform consumers about utility issues, such as proposed rate increases. Find out if your community is hosting a public hearing by contacting the Office of the Ohio Consumers’ Counsel (OCC) at 1-877-742-5622 (toll free). For rate cases, the PUCO must have at least one public hearing located within the utility’s service area. Hearings must also be held in cities with a population of at least 100,000. In most other cases, the PUCO may hold public hearings, depending largely on the level of public interest. If you would like to request a hearing in your community, please contact the PUCO at 1-800-686-PUCO (7826).

Share your opinion

You can share your views with the utility company, the PUCO and the OCC by testifying at the hearing.

Public speaking practice makes perfect

The idea of public speaking makes almost everyone nervous. One way to combat this stage fright is to make certain that you are prepared for the hearing:
• Create a speech or notecards beforehand in order to present an organized statement.
• Practice your testimony in front of friends.
• Keep your speech short and to the point. Once you are prepared, the actual testimony will be relatively easy.

Time to testify

As you enter the hearing room, sign your name on a roster. The hearing examiner will call your name when it is your turn to speak. You will then be asked if you want to offer sworn testimony or unsworn testimony. Sworn testimony involves reciting an oath and potentially answering questions asked by the PUCO, OCC or the utility. Your words will become a permanent part of the case record and the PUCO will be able to consider your sworn statement before reaching a decision. Unsworn statements will not be considered as evidence, nor will you be asked questions.

The contents of your testimony are up to you. You may want to explain the effects of a rate increase, focus on a specific complaint or support the position of an individual who testified previously. Through testimony that you will be able to reach
the appropriate decision-makers and make them understand how their actions will affect your life.

Other ways to get involved

• Organize a local consumer group.
• Start a petition drive and file the petition at the PUCO.
• Encourage others to testify.
• Contact your legislator.
• Inform the local news media about the importance of attending the local hearing.
• Write a letter to the editor of local newspapers.
• Talk to your local elected officials and ask them to pass resolutions.
• Write letters to the PUCO commissioners at the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio, 180 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio, 43215. Include the company name and case number and ask that the letter be docketed in the case file.

Alleged Bastard Caught

2007-02-02T23:30:00.000-05:00

After five hits of ecstasy, still dumb enough to run.

Predictably, the local TV reports went with the COPS-style hide-seek-and-attempt-to-escape angle. Although it is not mentioned in the WBNS article, (or mentioned at all in the Dispatch or any other media outlet), the man trapped in an attic by the Southern Ohio Fugitive Apprehension Strike Team was also responsible for home invasions in my neighborhood.

Anyone who bust into a stranger's house and terrorized women and children cannot have a place in society. Ever. That is as nicely as I can state it, without devolving into threats.

Ensmallening the Nation's Soul

2007-01-31T13:51:00.000-05:00

After learning the D-10 tractor was NOT a Constructicon,

President Bush flew into a murderous rage.

As is often the case these days, the truth is scarier...

"I would suggest moving back," Bush said as he climbed into the cab of a massive D-10 tractor. "I'm about to crank this sucker up." As the engine roared to life, White House staffers tried to steer the press corps to safety, but when the tractor lurched forward, they too were forced to scramble for safety."Get out of the way!" a news photographer yelled. "I think he might run us over!" said another. White House aides tried to herd the reporters the right way without getting run over themselves. Even the Secret Service got involved, as one agent began yelling at reporters to get clear of the tractor. Watching the chaos below, Bush looked out the tractor's window and laughed, steering the massive machine into the spot where most of the press corps had been positioned.

I didn't know whether to laugh until I wet my pants, or drop to my knees and pray we all get out alive. Either way, you have to give it up for Junior. No other President has so relentlessly pursued metaphor.

The usual scrappy band has all this and more at the weekly Captiononomicon. Go vent your own spleen, before it gets run over.

"Bummer."

2007-01-25T16:41:00.000-05:00

"I'll be in Mexico 'til this thing blows over."*

An entire city's education system is shut down by a junkie bus driver. The horrid details are up at the newly relevant Dispatch.

God knows it goes against everything Blogdom stands for to go off half-cocked, but why have the three words Superintendent, Gene and Harris come to form such an unholy chain reaction, not unlike three Smilex-brand hygiene products, that I want to itch and cry uncontrollably?

As what is wonkily known as a "stakeholder" in the quagmire that is Ohio public education, how often can I be subjected to the high-priced antics of an unelected official. Just because her job is ridiculously difficult does not mean we can't expect a modicum of competence. Instead of solutions to the leeching charter schools, burdens of standardized testing, or diminished gifted and talented programs, Columbus taxpayers are offered unfunded panaceas, like school uniforms.

I have the utmost respect for the job before the Superintendent and the School Board. And I don't doubt their good intentions, despite the fact that they won't place their children in the Columbus Public School System. And I know that many of their problems are the legacy of a corrupt, gay-baiting Statehouse that can't be bothered with the welfare of our children.

But can't we expect a little more than this? Or put in a language we can all understand:

Why is it when I heard the word 'school' and the word 'exploded,' I immediately thought of the word 'SKINNER'?

* This post is not endorsed by, nor intended to represent the opinions of Otto Man. Post are intended for entertainment purposes only. Any attempt at meaningful public debate, dialogue, education, rebroadcasts or further transmissions are strictly prohibited.

Two Questions

2007-01-24T21:31:00.000-05:00

1) Does Garth Brooks know Beckham is raiding his wardrobe?
2) How the hell did the Preznit correctly spell 'America'?

What better way to distract yourself from the grisly annual aftermath of the simian Boy King's ~~pack of damned lies~~ State of the Union pep rally than with some caption-style fun? The 21st century's Laff-a-Lympics are at HFPST.

It's that, or call Open Line with Fred Anderle. I've tried both, and the captions worked better.

Art for Choice's Sake

2007-01-18T23:50:00.000-05:00

But pro-life art is so classy!

From my ever-popular inbox. Wait. That sounds dirty.

Anyhoo, NARAL Pro Choice Ohio along with students from CCAD and The OSU will present a unique art exhibit, Stories of Our Mothers. It will look at the experiences of women before abortion was legal in the United States.

Stories of Our Mothers will show above the Surly Girl Saloon, on Saturday January 20 starting at 7:30. Tickets are ten bucks, five for students.

Fair Warning

2007-01-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

Didn't the Dutch rip-off our flag?

I meant to post on this earlier, but you get the blogger you pay for, not the blogger with copious amounts of free-time.

After an interesting summer, the rehab of the Engine House 17 continues apace. This far, the City of Columbus has kept all promises it has made to the Hilltop: the fire house will be preserved and community space will be set aside. For anyone who would like to poke at the wounds and make sure, or simply bask in the warm basking glow, here's the info:

The Greater Hilltop Area Commission Zoning Committee will meet tomorrow night, Tuesday, at 7:00 at the Hilltop Library. There will be a presentation by the architects who are working on the new West Side Health & Wellness Center. They will give a brief update as to the planning of the new facility. Tonight's focus will be on basics of how the facility will be put together. This will not be a meeting with a great deal of specifics. Three or more presentations will follow, where the architects and designers plan to provide more information to the committee and the full Hilltop Commission.

Save Miss Miller!

2007-01-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

This one's for you, Squeezy.

Clear Channel, the corporation that make Disney seem friendly, is planning to ax the success story that is 1230 AM. And they announce it while everyone is away on Christmas break. If you want to make sure that the funniest show on radio sticks around Capital City, sign the damn petition. Thanks to Eric and Progress Ohio for organizing.

UPDATE: Also, check out Ohio Majority Radio. They've been working with the Stephanie Miller Show and Ed Schultz. There are a number of options they've put together for frustrated central Ohioans.

Umm, Jihadi Guy?

2006-12-15T23:55:00.000-05:00

Not a good conservative...

BSB has found yet another pearl of wisdom among the swine...

As I said I agree that we lost the independents, but I also believe and agree with Matt Naugle, that the way forward is to boot the moderates. Independents will vote for conservatives, as Reagan proved twice. But what the Ohio GOP has given us is not conservatism, not by a long shot. The libertarians left and the GOP cannot live by social conservatism alone. Rebuild the coalition of economic and social conservatives and tell the moderate GOP folks to sit in the back of the bus for awhile.

When you're an apologist for the Republican Party, you might want to be careful about telling folks to shut up and sit in the back of the bus.

I'm just saying.

Friday Random Ten - Kathie Lee Free

2006-12-08T11:42:00.001-05:00

Dark. The bear with the "G"

letterman jacket symbolizes

Frank, and the little blonde

mouse obviously is the skank

who will wreck Kathie's empire.

Dylan and Cole will, of course,

avenge her.

1. Holy War Matthew Sweet Stunner off the end of the classic Girlfriend album. Sadly, more prescient than ever. "I went in for killin' another man, defending my holy land. As if there's a god who would understand..." 9

2. Ohio River Blues Anne Grimes Grimey was immortalized on Folkways, which I discovered at the nation's greatest library, Columbus Metropolitan. Interesting bit of Americana. "If the blues overtake me, I'll jump in the river and drown." 6

3. Djangology Django Reinhardt If Scratchy had a date, I envision it being scored by Django Reinhardt. And ending in blood. 4

4. Brak's School Daze: Gym Class Brak Space Ghost can get stale and labored, but Brak "Yeah buddy! Yeah boy! Hey buddy buddy buddy boy boy boy!" perfectly captures my gym teacher. 10

5. Top of the World Dixie Chicks My wife got me hooked on the Chicks. Overall, a good thing - but this wanders a bit too long without a payoff for me. "There's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard." 6

6. You've Got to Show Indigo Girls Off of Become You, maybe their best album since Rites of Passage. This jazz-flavored tune is one of the lesser tracks, but still strong. "Don't think I don't sense your caution across the room." 7

7. Women and Men They Might Be Giants That's right, it's classic album week at grandpaboy! Another strong song, courtesy Flood. "Women and me-eh-eh-eh-eh-en!" 8

8. Run It The Replacements How great are the Replacements? Pretty great. "Red light! Red light! Run it!" 6

9. Lonesome Valley Fairfield Four Like some kind of Ent soundtrack, only it came from O, Brother, not LOTR. "You've got to go..." 6

10. Like A Rolling Stone (abridged) Bob Dylan A sentimental favorite, not for the chugging piano of the demo, but because Dylan cuts it short at 1:36, claiming "My voice is gone, man." Really? What tipped you off? 8

It's Expectational!

2006-12-06T20:26:00.000-05:00

"I was told Miss Piggy would be here."

Wednesdays at the Norb - more productive than the Iraq Study Group.

Some Good News

2006-12-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

photo by Ben French

Although I haven't seen official confirmation yet, I'm told that the architechtural committee has met for the Hilltop Health Center. They have settled on a plan that preserves the entire outer structure of the Fire House No. 17. So far in the process, everything is falling into place for preservation.

Columbus Monthly has named Westgate, in the western half of the Hilltop, as one of its top ten neighborhoods. In the meantime, check out the Highland Village Society. A group of concerned residents are trying to bring back the eastern half of the Hilltop. (Disclaimer - I've been working with Highland Village)

Our mission is very simple…to bring a renaissance within Highland Village. Most of the homes were built between 1920 and 1940. We want to preserve these historic buildings for future generations. The Highland Village Society is a grassroots effort to bring about change through a variety of means. Working with the city of Columbus, we are bringing new development to the West Broad corridor. Local block watches organized by homeowners are in constant communication with Columbus Police to reduce crime. Realtors and lenders help us promote home ownership to replace rental properties.

Highland Village overlooks downtown Columbus. I-70, 270 and 670 are easily accessible. Grandview, the Short North, Arena District and Brewery District are only five to ten minutes away. Currently, homes sell from $30,000 to $100,000; with the current low interest rates, most people can own a home for less than what they pay in rent. Columbus is a vibrant city, because we have a strong tradition of historic urban housing: German Village, Harrison West, Victorian Village, Short North, Italian Village, and Old Town East. As Highland Village continues to grow, these opportunities will disappear. Take advantage now, and watch your property values increase!

Better Than the Guitar Mass

2006-11-30T13:02:00.000-05:00

Germans bring gay and phallic together like nobody else.

It's Thursday! Which means NFL football (wtf?) and the day after Norbizness' hi-larious captions.

Also, in a little Thanksgiving + 7 moment, I'm thankful for victorious Democrats, the Bengals having the Browns on their schedule twice, and NBC having the sense to put the sublime Scrubs on with The Office and Earl.

Gang Violence on the Hilltop

2006-11-29T10:29:00.000-05:00

In case anyone wants to be better informed...

The Ogden Avenue Block Watch invites you to attend the watchs Gang Violence Forum this Thursday at the Hilltop Library.

What: South Ogden Avenue Block Watch Gang Violence Forum
Where: Hilltop Library located at 511 South Hague
When: Thursday, Nov. 30, 6:30-8 p.m.
Why: In response to several gang related shootings, members of the block watch felt it was important to get together to discuss this serious issue.

A presentation will be made by members of the Columbus Division of Police Gang Unit. This is a chance to learn about a serious issue plaguing our community, ask questions, and discuss possible solutions. We will then have a chance as neighbors to discuss this and other crime related issues.

For more information, please call the Boggs at 276-7542, or email at jjboggs43204@yahoo.com. Visit our web site at jjboggs43204.tripod.com/ogden.

Deep Fifteen

2006-11-27T12:21:00.000-05:00

Waiting to exhale...

The Dispatch is reporting that Pryce has won the Ohio 15th, although her shrinking margin of 1,054 votes has triggered an automatic recount. Sammy has all the breaking news. There is also an interesting discussion over at the BSB.

Kilroy's race typified one of Ohio's biggest problems - gerrymandered districts. Improved ground games, record setting donations, and heightened public awareness all broke on the jagged jigsaw borders of these preserves for Congressional incumbents. When Democrats went statewide, we were able to sweep clean the nastiness of the last decade. Our newly elected officials need to focus on running fair elections, promoting good businesses and providing education for all Ohioans.

If they take care of that, they'll be sitting pretty, like Marlin Perkins in the jeep.

Where Were You When Lord Blackwell Went Down?

2006-11-06T01:08:00.000-05:00

"This is worse than Ewoks..."

Remember when Lord Blackwell got his ass handed to him by a sandy-haired punk, and then Lord Blackwell had to ~~chuck Emperor Parsley down the exhaust shaft~~ retire to the lucrative motivational speaking circuit with Rudy Giuliani?

So fanboy, the question is, what charming stories will you have to pass on from the epic ass-kicking of '06? When your offspring look up to you, will you be able to tell them, "Yeah, I was in the shit"?

I canvassed with America Votes through some of Dublin's low rent corners the other day. Frustrating and a bit chilly, but democratic in the best sense of the word. I was out interacting with other voters, trying to nail shut the door on theocracy one voter at a time. The work is slow, but effective. And damned if it doesn't get me more misty-eyed than my great-uncle Thane at a Lee Greenwood concert.

So sure, your life is crazy. You might have to use up some points with the spouse, call in a marker with your neighbors to take the kids to school on Tuesday morning. It's worth it for one day of work to stop the unfettered ass-hattery of our current state and federal government.

Call 1.877.VOTE.OHIO or visit the GOTV Ohio website at www.gotvohio.org Join the fight.

Life's Rich Parade

2006-10-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

"It's the part I was born to play, baby!"

Sorry for the unplanned hiatus. Amazingly, there are more important things than what passes for blogging at grandpaboy.

Huh.

So I've been further out of the loop than a senile Gipper. Beside candidate fundraisers, family and writing, I've been awarded an artist residency with the Wexner Center and also taken a part-time job with America Votes to help their GOTV effort.

All of this is to say, I love the online community here in state. It's hard to believe it's only been a year since I was bouncing around, name checking Plunderbund, Word of Mouth, De Magno Oper. BSB used to be BSB, and merely a fraction of its current monolith. These big-souled people helped encourage me to get still more involved locally and win election to my neighborhood area commission. I wish I were taking a greater part now in the on-line community, but the volunteerism that I started writing about last year has once again taken over my life.

I plan to drop by whenever I feel like it. Cuz that's the sort of professionalism associated with this site. But I'm going to try my damnedest to make sure Americans are turning out to do their democratic responsibility come November. Because votes count. Because government can make a positive impact on people's lives. Because America is better than what we've shown the world for the past six years.

Because Ohio doesn't have to suck.

Does Anyone Remember Snark?

2006-09-27T23:00:00.000-04:00

Regardless of their 29 points of personal connection, Match.com doesn't work for everyone.

What better way to celebrate grandpaboy's first blogiversary than slack off for a month, only to return on the coattails of another's post? Tradition is tradition!

And if life settles down any more, I can come back and tell you all how I got ~~drunk~~ enjoyed sophisticated adult beverages to raise money and throw off our evil overlords' Rock of Shame.

GHAC Meeting Tonight

2006-09-05T15:17:00.000-04:00

Damn, is my head really that big?

I can neither confirm not deny that I am indeed Mr. Red, nor that I was forbidden internet access during Cincinnati's west coast roadtrip/ suicide watch.

But here's an honest-to-Joe Nuxhall journalistic fact: tonight is the Greater Hilltop Area Commission Meeting at the Hilltop Library, 7:00. Be there and join the civic-minded fun!

FRT On the Run Edition

2006-08-18T15:17:00.000-04:00

1. 'Gather Round the Stone Ben Harper

2. Masters of War Bob Dylan

3. Got To Give It Up (Part 1) Marvin Gaye

4. We'll Meet Again John Lee Hooker

5. Fast Way Letters to Cleo

6. Memorize Your Lines Sleater-Kinney

7. Holes to Heaven Jack Johnson

8. Jack the Bear (Take It Away) Duke Ellington

9. Somebody to Love Queen

10. For You Bruce Springsteen

Don't forget the rally!

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

2006-08-18T10:37:00.000-04:00

Ohio's entire Democratic Ticket will hold a rally at Westgate Park in Columbus' Hilltop on Sunday, August 20 at 10:00. Come and be scintillated by Ted Strickland, Sherrod Brown, Rich Cordray, Jennifer Brunner, Mary Jo Kilroy and the whole gang.

Always In Our Backyard?

2006-08-17T22:45:00.000-04:00

Is the Hilltop getting sliced like a heliocentric cake?

I come from the school of spirituality that turns cynical when someone mentions "booking info" in the same breath as "prayer." So when Positive Transition Solutions, Inc. announces they are coming to Columbus' westside to open a faith based center in conjunction with Georgia's Fan the Flame Ministries (check out the cool WWE-style site) at 3823 Sullivant Avenue, the hair goes up a bit on the back of my neck. It's a prejudice of mine, and I'm trying to deal with it.

But there are questions to be asked - doesn't the Hilltop already support a disproportionate amount of this population, at the behest of NIMBYs across Columbus? Aren't there local 501s that are dealing with these issues? I have a dearth of information right now, and will try to gather more.

Anyone interested in checking out the PTS people, they are having a Community Fundraiser on Saturday, August 19 from 3 to 7. Local celebrities are promised, which I can only hope does not mean Fred Ricart and some Buckeye. Windy Morgan, the executive director of Positive Transition Solutions, was also kind enough to pass along her contact information (windy-morgan@yahoo.com). If you are interested in attending, or have questions about the center, please let her know. Although it should go without saying, this is the Internets - everyone use their best manners when talking to one another.

Electoral Incompetence: Why Taft's Ohio Sucks

2006-08-17T14:50:00.000-04:00

Misty, water-colored,

cursing-Lord-Blackwell

memories of 2004...

The September - October issue of Mother Jones arrived at stately Grandpaboy Manor today, with a list by Sasha Abramsky of the eleven worst places to try and vote in America. Ohio made the list three times, matching only the Third World splendor of Texas (# 2,6 and 9). Buckeyes vs. Longhorns has got nothing on this!

The snaking lines of Franklin County 2004 won third, followed hard by the failure of Cuyahoga County displayed in the '05 primary. The unholy triumvirate is rounded out by the partisan Lord Blackwell, "who seems intent on making sure as few Ohioans as possible are registered to vote."

Just in case anyone feels like '06 is in the bag...

The Left Wants You

2006-08-17T10:55:00.000-04:00

Looks like Buzz isn't the only one who's been defying gravity.

Wow, Buzz Aldrin's wife is hotter than Edwin Encarnacion in August. In that creepy Brazil kinda way. For more fun facts and retina damage, consult your friendly neighborhood Norb.

Paris Hilton Bit By Pikachu

2006-08-14T11:23:00.000-04:00

God, I've been reading

too much Norbizness.

The bite, like all things Hilton, was superficial.

FRT - "Sorrow and Anger" Edition

2006-08-11T17:26:00.000-04:00

"One angry man said, 'Make that child stop its noise,

for it's keeping all of us awake.'"

1. Grandma's Theme John Mellencamp The greatest piece of Matlock-rock ever released. I'm a sucker for old-timey metaphors in a world that's still too old-timey. "Twas a dark stormy night..." 10

2. Crow Jane Taj Mahal and Etta Baker I'd start exempting them from FRT, but they make my average so pretty. 9

3. Right Next Door to Hell Guns N' RosesI guess you don't have to worry how a song scans when you scream the entire thing like a teenager throwing a tantrum in the front yard for all the neighbors to see. And Axl's got the vocabulary to bring the whole banal scene to life. "Hell, Freud my say that's what I need." 1

4. Maggie Mae The Beatles Forgive my sniping last week. John's voice is much lovelier when mixed with his bandmates. After a few pints. "Oh, dirty Maggie Mae, do not take your hand away." 9

5. Mrs. Robinson Simon & Garfunkel A four minute pop folk song. It would be easy to rip those earlier, earnest times, but damned if it doesn't hold up. "Most of all, we've got to hide it from the kids." 8

6. I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm Django Reinhardt As Foghorn Leghorn would say, luckily I keep my feathers numbered for just such an occasion. 7

7. Tangled Up In Blue [Live] Bob Dylan & The Rolling Thunder Review Dylan at one of the many peaks in his career. He assembled a great touring band here, 'tho he performs this classic solo. iPod benefit - not seeing Dylan in his frightening stage make-up. "When it came crashin' down, I became withdrawn. The only thing I knew how to do was keep on keepin' on" 9

8. Dream On Me Belly A little too Throwing Muses for me, but it does break up the string of dead white guy rock. "Keep your hand where you said it'd be." 5

9. Quimby Campaign Commercial The Springfield PAC Singers Paid for by the Mayor Quimby for Mayor Mayoral Committee "If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you." 10

10. Whiskey Bottle Uncle Tupelo The Replacements with a death wish. And not the fun kind. "Liquor and guns, the sign says 'Mason.' Somehow life goes on in a place so insane." 9

7.7 and I'm feeling low.

Still Hard At Work On Lord Blackwell's Mechanical Heart

2006-08-09T18:25:00.000-04:00

After 25 years, this is all the progress Steve Sansweet has made on building a life-sized IG-88 model.

The thing I love most about Norb's site is, despite all the hi-tech stuff, there's a dingy, lived-in look. It helps suspension of disbelief, letting us into a world where Hulk Hogan and Pichachu feed on pandas. Why? WHY? WHYYYYY?!

No More Kings

2006-08-09T12:48:00.000-04:00

"We undermine the president's credibility at ~~our nation's~~ my peril."

The backlash against Joementum™, the most powerful piece of marketing since Crystal Pepsi, has been documented all across the internets. I'm not here to punditify upon them further, but to say good riddance.

I don't care about BSB vs. Kos, or DLC vs. candidates that can actually win races. Well, okay the DLC does suck. But the important thing here is that my name brother was bad for unity.

U-N-I-T-Y. Not to be confused with the current Republican definition, also known as U-N-Y-I-E-L-D-I-N-G I-D-E-O-L-O-G-Y. I like some things Lieberman did, and I'll hate some things Lamont does. But Lieberman was a cancer on the party. Thank you to the voters of Connecticut for throwing out the bum.

Now let's get back to the business of getting the Ohio Democratic Party in order.

La Comité Especial Para Salvar Nuestras Casas Anuncia Reunión Para Hispanos

2006-08-08T16:05:00.000-04:00

Rich Cordray has a meeting on the Hilltop tonight to help address home ownership issues. Sorry I didn't pass this message along earlier.

La comité especial para salvar nuestras casas anuncia reunión para hispanos

Bajo la dirección del Tesorero de Franklin County Richard Cordray, la Comité Especial para Salvar Nuestras Casas presentará una reunión especial para los hispanos sobre el tema de la ejecución hipotecaria. La reunión será una oportunidad para los propietarios hispanos de aprender de cómo proteger sus casas y evitar la ejecución hipotecaria, la cual cada día está creciendo más en la comunidad latina.

CUANDO: 8 Agosto, 2006

6:308:30 pm

DONDE: Homes on the Hill CDC

12 S. Terrace Ave.

Columbus, OH 43204

Profesionales de vivienda estarán presentes para proveer información sobre los recursos comunitarios y los programas de asistencia para los que están atrasados con sus pagos hipotecarios y los que están a punto de perder sus casas. También consejeros de vivienda estarán presentes para contestar sus preguntas. Todos que quieren aprender más de la ejecución hipotecaria y las soluciones son bienvenidos. La reunión se conducirá principalmente en español.

Anuncios en español e ingles con más información sobre la reunión están incluidos con este mensaje. Para mas información, por favor llame al 275-4663.

########

La Oficina del Tesorero del Condado de Franklin, Richard Cordray, organizó la Comité Especial Para Salvar Nuestras Casas en el año 2005 para luchar contra la ejecución hipotecaria en el condado de Franklin y en Ohio. La Comité se compone de profesionales comunitarios, incluyendo representados de agencies de gobierno, organizaciones de desarrollo comunitario, instituciones prestatarias, agencies de bienes y raíces, y compañías de titulo. El objetivo de este grupo es informar a los propietarios de casa sobre los recursos comunitarios que existen para ayudar a la gente a proteger sus casas. Cada mes la Comité presenta una reunión publica para presentar información sobre la ejecución hipotecaria. Para las fechas y horas de las reuniones futuras, o para más información sobre la Comité, por favor llame a la oficina del tesorero al (614) 462-3438 o visite el sitio de web: www.FranklinCountyOhio.gov/Treasurer.

########

Save Our Homes Task Force Announces Special Foreclosure Intervention Meeting for Hispanics

The Save Our Homes Task Force, under the leadership of Franklin County Treasurer, Richard Cordray, will be holding a community meeting in Spanish to address and provide solutions for the growing problem of foreclosure for Hispanics in Central Ohio. Hispanic homeowners as well as community members wishing to learn more about foreclosure prevention are encouraged to attend.

WHEN: August 8, 2006

6:308:30 pm

WHERE: Homes on the Hill CDC

12 S. Terrace Ave.

Columbus, OH 43204

The meeting will provide an opportunity for Hispanic homeowners to speak with area housing professionals to learn about community resources for individuals who are either having trouble making their monthly mortgage payment or are facing foreclosure on their home. Housing counselors will also be present to provide guidance.

Informational flyers in both English and Spanish are attached. For more information, please call 275-4663.

########

The Office of the Franklin County Treasurer, Richard Cordray, organized the Save Our Homes Task force in 2005 in response to the high rate of foreclosure in Franklin County and the state of Ohio. The Task Force is comprised of area professionals, including representatives from government agencies, community development organizations, lending institutions, real estate agencies, and title companies, whose objective is to help homeowners learn about community resources available to help prevent foreclosure. The Task Force holds a monthly informational meeting open to the public. For meeting dates , times and locations, or for more information, please contact the Treasurers Office at (614) 462-3438 or visit the website: www.FranklinCountyOhio.gov/Treasurer.

########

Program Support Provided By/Ayuda financiera es obtenida gracias a:

Franklin County Treasurer/Tesorero del Condado Franklin

Richard Cordray

FRT - "I Hate Tommy Lasorda" Edition

2006-08-04T13:16:00.001-04:00

My first musical crush...

1. Cartoon Soul Asylum Maligned during their latest album release as irrelevant, these lesser lights of MLPS deserve better. They've got a handful of classics, tho this ain't one. Sorry Winona. "You're in the movies, and I'm in your cartoon." 6

2. Time's Up Living Colour It was refreshing to hear a rock band that was pissed, after the usual "Girls Girls Girls" crap on MTV. It was predictable that few people listened. "Time ain't on your side." 8

3. Never Mattered Much Robert Cray Band Slow like a replay of Carson Palmer's knee - painful and unavoidable. "You just can't make nothing go anywhere." 7

4. American Girl Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers That blurry line between classic rock and college rock, where TP has a foot on each side. Not my favorite, but I enjoy watching him cannibalize the Beatles, Byrds, Dylan, and in turn being fed upon by the Mats, REM, Wallflowers and Shakira. Huh? "Make it last all night!" 7

5. For Sentimental Reasons Django Reinhardt Consistently amazing what he was able to do, more so when you read about his disfigurement. Then again, he never had to deal with David Lee Roth. 7

6. I'm Only Sleeping The Beatles Eww, who let John sing? RINGO! MORE RINGO! "I'm still yawning." 5

7. Framed Los Lobos If you doubt that early rock was any good, check out the modern day masters. It's like watching the Blues Brothers, except you don't have to sign away your soul to Lorne Michaels. "I never do nothing, but I always get blamed..." 10

8. My Hometown Bruce Springsteen Sure it's overplayed, but drive through Youngstown (or whatever crap part of your downtown has been abandoned by developers, big box retailers, and government) and listen to it. Tugs at the old heart strings, don't it? "Foreman says, 'These jobs are goin' boys, and they ain't comin' back.'" 9

9. ? (Fragezeichen) Nena An apt title, bolstered by her bubble-gum scented German accent, a textbook 80s saxamaphone solo, and ever-lovin' synth. The musical equivalent of double cheese and extra sauce with cheese in the crust. "Today I need a lot of never ends." 5

10. A Girl Like You The Smithereens A hell of a bonecrunching bittersweet song. It's so good, you can forgive them for covering "Time Won't Let Me" as the theme for the Time Cop Soundtrack. Van Damnit! "I'll say anything you want to hear..." 9

7.3, the (kinda) year of my birth. How auspicious. It's still not an eight. And that was giving Nena a five. Damn, now I feel used and cheap, like a Republican voter.

Captions Ho!

2006-08-03T00:07:00.000-04:00

Despite the outcry from purist, baseball afficionado Fidel Castro has chosen to institute the Designated Hitler.

I'm still trying to sort out the day to day return to reality and get things back up to speed (i.e. six posts a week instead of three).

In the meantime, turn to Texas for all your cheap, quasi-legal fun. It's worked for generations of Bushies...

Is It the First Tuesday of the Month Already?

2006-08-01T11:30:00.000-04:00

Agitprop rules and holds oil...

So I leave for a couple weeks, and come home to find Dear Leader fermenting World War III in the crapulence of his fetid White House. Honestly, you kids.

If you want to drown your Weltschmerz in an hour long discussion of zoning and blockwatches, come to the Hilltop Library on Hague Avenue for tonight's Greater Hilltop Area Commission meeting at 7:00.

Lazy From the Heat

2006-07-19T22:38:00.000-04:00

There is no good way to prepare for eyelid tattoos.

Grandpaboy-related activities will grind to a halt for a short while. I look forward to coming back and filling my niche as the slacker of the Ohio blogosphere.

Good night, you princes of the captions!

The Object of Our Controversy

2006-07-13T17:01:00.000-04:00

NOT going to be turned into

a Ghostbusters franchise...

The Other Paper, Columbus' newsprint-based purveyor of snark, reports this week on the Hilltop Commission controversy. Check it out for a more complete and snotty recap of the meeting. (I would point out that there were only 13 commissioners present, as opposed to the 15 that Erik Johns reported.)

Bill Moss must be smiling down at the things we have to do for media attention on the Hilltop.

Next year, the Election Committee needs to focus on increasing voting at every location, especially the Ashburn Center, and making sure a full run-down of candidates is given to the Messenger. Commissioner Potts and Baker have said they're happy to include any residents on the Election Committee. If you want to help, get to the next GHAC meeting.

Minute by Minute

2006-07-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

All the confusion,

and twice the drama!

The final meeting of the '05 - '06 Greater Hilltop Area Commission on Tuesday set records for attendance and length, thanks in large part to Bea Murphy and her supporters. They protested the election, complaining: Mayor Coleman endorsed the slate I ran on, the Westside Messenger ran our picture, and the Ashburn Center was closed for a short period during voting.

The Commission responded: Mayor Coleman is free to endorse whoever he wants, the Messenger is free to run whatever picture they want, and the Commission was at fault for letting the Ashburn Center poll close, however briefly and for whatever reason. The Commission members apologized repeatedly, and promises were made to make sure no such mistakes were made next year. Since there were only five votes cast in four hours at the Ashburn Center, it was determined that the missing hour wouldn't have changed the election's outcome.

Things wrapped up around ten o'clock. The first session of the '06 - '07 GHAC began afterwards and I sat in for my first meeting as commissioner. We kept it short. The main order of business was appointing two vacant seats, a three year term and a two year term. The former went to Tasha Corson, a one-time commission member who Chuck Patterson asked to return. The latter went to Rick Mendez, a Hilltop activist and member of Bea Murphy's slate.

The next GHAC will be Tuesday, August 1 at 7pm in the Hilltop Library. Dress comfortably.

More Panda Foolishness

2006-07-12T14:29:00.001-04:00

"Oh God! That panda just ate Elmo in the middle of the "The Number of the Day" sketch. Oh, the muppetry!"

Another round of the usual on Wednesday, highlighted by my new animal hero.

Mini Post

2006-07-11T10:48:00.000-04:00

Ha. Ha.

The Greater Hilltop Area Committee will meet 7:00 tonight at the Hilltop Library Branch. The meeting is open to the public and all are welcome.

Pryce's Office to Host Community Hours, Spelling Bee

2006-07-10T11:29:00.000-04:00

"Wait, I know this one!

D-E-B-R-U-H?"

Congresswoman Pryce (R-Stay the Course) will answer questions from her constituents on July 12 from 9 am to noon at the Hilliard Senior Center, 3810 Veterans Memorial Drive.

Well, Pryce won't be there herself. That would be ridiculous. Her staff will be there to answer your questions. Well, not your questions exactly, but they'll try to best match the talking points they have with the question you give them. Anyone who has tried to express their opinion to her staff, a group with all the charm and honesty of Joe Isuzu, will tell you their answers and reality don't match up too well.

Who does that sound like?

Friday Random Ten: I Feel So Broke Up

2006-07-07T15:26:00.000-04:00

At least I never besmirched the name

of a cherished piece of Americana.

1. Don't Let Your Deal Go Down Taj Mahal and Etta Baker Another instrumental piece from these two' eponymous album. This one's an acoustic countrified ramble, and good for the old blood pressure. 8

2. I.O.U. The Replacements Meh, a musical kiss-off from the 'Mats. Filler from the Pleased to Meet Me album that had a handful of truly great songs. 6

3. Happy Home Garbage Can something be haunting and loud at the same time? Hell yeah. "In my happy home/ I barely breathe..." 9

4. Shake A Leg AC/DC Talk about album filler. AC/DC wrote the book. I liked this song better when it was Dirty Deeds... 3

5. Dogman King's X Could fall into just another "catalogue" song, where the singer runs of a list, but the refrain brings a real emotional hook to Doug Pinnick's complaints. The heavy groove and sweet backing vocals are always a given with KX. 8

6. One I Want Van Halen And now, a catalogue song gone wrong. Cherone just kind of skates through a laundry list of characters. There's a poppy refrain and funky swing between the brothers, but it's not enough to rise the song up. 5

7. Pink Houses John Mellencamp Beloved childhood classic, not fit for my hypercriticism. 9

8. Sloop John B The Beach Boys I came to the Beach Boys later in life, thanks to Mrs. Grandpaboy's nostalgia. Of course, I almost broke my ankle jumping from the stands to the ~~concrete~~ field at Riverfront to chase her to the stage. I'm almost as much as sucker for this song as I am her. Yes, it's all about the cheese. 9

9. Tunnel of Love Bruce Springsteen When he's at the top of his game, he makes textbook rock n' roll. 8

10. Blood In My Eyes Bob Dylan The old man goes back to the well, and brings back to life some great songs. I'm not well-enough schooled to call it derivative, so I'll just say I was glad to be exposed to some of these songs for the first time. I especially prefer Dylan's bewildered Delia to the more villainous Johnny Cash version. 8

A 7.3 - stuck in my groove and loving it. Maybe the addition of closer Eddie Guardado to the Reds bullpen will bring their ERA back to the same ballpark as my weekly ten.

More Firehouse Activism

2006-07-07T12:14:00.000-04:00

Unlikely to be

painted on any

half-naked soccer fans...

There was also a petition circulating at the concert last night. It asked Mayor Coleman to meet personally with Hilltop residents and discuss an alternate site to the old firehouse. I think an individual initiative like that is fine, though I couldn't say what the chances of success are.

A concrete thing that every concerned person can do is attend the Columbus City Council meeting at 5:30 Wednesday, July 25. Greater Hilltop Area Commissioner Neal Hitch makes the case -

Last week I participated in the Architects Selection committee for the new fire station. I am hopeful that the selected architect will work toward completing a design that is inclusive of the community's views. However, it is of the utmost importance that the community comes together with consensus and presents its desires with one voice. It is my feeling that this voice is fairly weak, and if it is divisive then we will be defeating everything I think we have worked for in the development of the new health center. Some of the proposals suggested that the old fire station could be adaptively reused as part of the new structure. I think we should stand together as a community to try and save as much of the fire station as we can. We need to tell the city that we want the building adaptively reused. There will be hesitation by some, I am sure, but I think this is possible, and several of the architecture firms thought it was possible as well. I would encourage everyone to go to the July 25 council meeting and express a consistent message.

I think it's a good idea to let the Mayor know we want to preserve the entire structure. As Neal points out, this option is viable according to the architects. The Hilltop Commission can try to influence the architectural board as much as possible, but a positive, forceful presence on July 25 will make a greater impact.

I think it's a good thing that the Westside is finally getting a first class medical center. The site on Sullivant is not meeting the needs of the community, and the proper thing for the city to do is step up to the plate. They're doing that. If the firehouse is important to us (and I think it is), then we need to let them know on July 25 that the Hilltop favors adaptively reusing the entire building.

Thank You Willie

2006-07-07T10:22:00.000-04:00

Last night was a good time at National Road Park, a humble little lot between the two firehouses. I'd seen the historic marker, but didn't realize it was an actual park. A flatbed was pulled in for Willie Pooch and the Upsetters to play on, and they put it to good use. Sitting outside on a beautiful summer evening and listening to some first rate musicians was a treat, and one of the many great things about living in the city.

The Music on the Hill series continues Thursday nights from 6:30 to 8:30 with:

July 13, The AHA Collective (Reggae)

July 20, Donna Marie & Friends (Big Band)

July 27, Triedstone Baptist Church Men's Chorus (Gospel)

The crowd was a bit thin, and I hope more people take advantage of this program. It gave me the break I needed; I didn't even get upset about the Reds' relievers blowing another game.

You've Crushed Menthol Moose!

2006-07-06T13:16:00.000-04:00

Looks like they picked the wrong day to crown Li'l Miss Ozarks.

Obeying man's baser instincts, I am drawn to funny pictures like an Austinite to Shiner Bock.

And I would be remiss if I didn't point out the funniest pictures I've seen lately, by Ohio's hardest working blogger, Scott Bakalar. It's not enough that he actually reports on Mayor Craig Foltin's Bushesque incompetence with a level of detail that would put many papers to shame. Now he's got to go parade crashing.

Scott's the one in the middle.

Blues On the Hilltop

2006-07-05T16:22:00.000-04:00

The music's free,

but the blues'll

make you pay.

The Greater Hilltop CDC and Music on the Hill present the free Summer Concert Series starting this Thursday, July 6. Willie Pooch and the Upsetters will play National Road Park (2280 W. Broad Street, between the old and new firehouses) from 6:30 to 8:30.

FRT - What It's Worth

2006-06-30T16:37:00.000-04:00

Late innings are ouchie.

1. Pine Box Paul Westerberg A loud, snot-filled goodbye from Paul to his dad. As good a punk musing on mortality as I can remember. With cannons. 9

2. For What It's Worth Chubby I think this is an agnostic anthem by former Bosstone, the D-man. Better play it at Scott Stapp next time you see him cruising Denny's for a hook-up. 7

3. Home to Houston Steve Earle Might be the perfect story for the horror that is 2003 to now. 10

4. The Walking Dead Dropkick Murphys The whole Warrior's Code album is pretty good. Like a bunch of shots of whiskey, the songs are best taken one at a time. 7

5. Keeper of My Heart Indigo Girls Pretty blah filler from earlier in their career. 4

6. Shout and Feel It Count Basie So damn cool, I'm not ashamed to admit I ripped it from the Swing Kids soundtrack. 9

7. Pictures to Prove It The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Drunk and sentimental. It's what they do well. 8

8. Long Way to Happy Pink One of my more recent album purchases (a too infrequent indulgence), and I wasn't disappointed. Not my first choice for music, but it breaks up the 80s/90s stranglehold on my collection. 6

9. Mean Street Van Halen I got free tickets to see Sammy Hagar in Columbus, and felt bad for his guitarist. To paraphrase Sparky Anderson, "Don't embarrass anyone by trying to compare them to Eddie Van Halen." 10

10. Tombstone Blues Bob Dylan That wonderful mix of cowboy, mythology, Beat and Pop that Dylan could pull off and seem genius instead of pretentious. I don't know how he did it, but it's fun to listen to. 8

7.8 Damn. I ought to be pitching for the Reds bullpen, based solely on my Friday Random Tens. It couldn't be any worse than the alternative.

Ohio Lefty Blog Calibration?

2006-06-29T10:40:00.000-04:00

Tell me they're not using Taft's accountant.

Not to be snotty or anything, since I appreciate the Lefty Blog gathering site, but what happened to their clicker?

They reported 128 clicks for this post of Blackwellian malfeasance, and 103 for my gravitasy victory lap. That would be nice, but those are more like weekly hit totals in the these summer doldrums. There hasn't been anything like that click-through from Lefty Blogs, at least not according to my SiteMeter.

Has anyone else had this experience? I haven't seen it discussed anywhere else.

Martian Manhunting

2006-06-28T07:16:00.000-04:00

J'onn J'onzz takes

full advantage of

the Justice League's

"Don't ask, don't tell"

policy.

And after all the decorum and local politics, it's back to the same sophomoric filler. When I get a moment from the day job (whatever the hell that is), I'll actually scrounge up some more local content. In the mean time, treat yourself to merciless Marilyn Manson mocking.

I Won

2006-06-26T10:25:00.000-04:00

Westgate Park

The entire slate was swept in with Saturday's election. The results:

Whitman 133 votes
Baker 112
Boggs 111
Decker 109

Murphy 73
Mendez 53
Tope 41
Klingler 36
Figley 9
Corson 1

The next meeting of the Greater Hilltop Area Commission is on Tuesday, July 11 at 7pm. It will be held at the Hilltop Library on South Hague and everyone is welcome. Thanks again to everyone for their support. I look forward to three years of volunteering to improve our community.

First the Voting, Then the Beans

2006-06-23T23:52:00.000-04:00

Comfest? Tja!

Voting for the Greater Hilltop Area Commission is tomorrow from 10 am to 3:30 pm. There will be polls at the Hilltop Library, 511 South Hague, and at the Bean Dinner in Westgate Park between Parkside and Wicklow.

Also, I have been asked to join a slate with three other candidates: Karen Whitman, Justin Boggs and Gary Baker. For my westside readers who drop by, please consider them when voting tomorrow. I hope everyone stays dry and has a hell of a day.

Friday Random Ten

2006-06-23T22:54:00.000-04:00

Damn.

This is harder

than giving

away Sammy

Hagar tickets.

1. Jesus, Etc. Wilco Yeah, they get over-praised by the critics, but this song is like a punch to the gut and a kiss on the cheek. 10

2. Say Anything Aimee Mann 'Cuz I've heard everything. 8

3. Crash Course In Brain Surgery Metallica Off the very cool Garage Days Re-revisited CD, which I later found out was selling for $75. I held onto it, cherishing the pre-Black Album/Bob Seeger days. Of course, it was re-issued in some Lars-approved box set, and I'm left with a hunk of plastic and memories, misty, water-colored memories. 8

4. One Vision Queen Ow. A friend let me borrow his complete Queen catalog. Are we still friends? 4

5. Deconstruction Indigo Girls New album coming out in September. I'm excited to see if it holds up to this and everything else off of Become You. 7

6. Free Fallin' Tom Petty Eh, 90s radio rock and the onset of the ClearChannelbot program lists. I still like this, despite the overplay AND Jerry Maguire. 5

7. Gates of Eden Bob Dylan Books and books have been written about this beloved icon, but rarely is it stated what a spooky little stoner he could be. 8

8. Charles In Charge The Blanks (Ted's band from Scrubs) Do yourself a favor - go to CDBaby, buy The Blanks album and enjoy the greatest versions ever of Underdog, and the Six Million Dollar Man. I can almost hear the longing for Samantha Foxx in their voices. 9

9. Tommy Gets His Tonsils Out The Replacements Speaking of newish albums, I have yet to pick up the retrospective Don't You Know Who I Think I Was? Get off my back, Travis! 8

10. Sneaky Feelings Elvis Costello Nice bit of adult rock. Or was that wuss rock? 6

Despite my staggering music tastes, I'm gonna guess that my overall coolness still ranks below the ERA of the Reds' bullpen. That's a hellacious standard, but I refuse to cave to soft expectations.

This week.

It's Conceptual

2006-06-21T15:05:00.000-04:00

The Pentagon began testing on its controversial Baron Von Zeppelin, a giant anthropomorphic robot constructed from a thousand smaller robotic hats. The proposed robot would swat aside nuclear missile attacks.

A moment after this photo, the inert hats fell to the ground. A Pentagon spokesman called the exercise "a success."

Unlike Pho, I don't have the brain power to deliver fresh goodness everyday. Me being away from the computer would be a relief to the half-dozen folks who sadistically drop-in. Not counting all the goobers who end up here, searching for You call me honkey

But just as sure as a Bush administration official will say "No one could have predicted..." I'll be riding Norb's coattails every Wednesday.

After the Rally

2006-06-20T13:05:00.000-04:00

I forgot my camera, so instead

here is one of the

worst picture ever winners

The rally yesterday at Goodale Park was short and sweet. The shelter house was packed over capacity (in true democratic nitpicking fashion, I'll complain and say they should have moved it outside). What was most impressive was the array of candidates present: Strickland, Fisher, Brunner, Dann, Cordray, Kilroy, Stewart and Celeste. It felt like the whole ticket, and that's nice for unity. Coleman and Strickland spoke glowingly of one another, and Strickland made a lot of noise about how Coleman will be a voice in his administration. Lots of rah rah stuff like that, and everyone hitting the right notes. The highlight was Strickland lighting into Blackwell. I'd quote it extensively here, but I was holding a tired kid. If you turn up at any Strickland event, you should get to hear the good stuff.

Afterwards, I had the pleasure of bumping into the campaign manager for Elizabeth Gill, one of the candidates for Franklin County Court of Common Pleas–Domestic Division. Our kids were criss-crossing on the playground and celebrating their freedom from the crowded shelter house. I'm sure the whole judicial ticket will get talked about plenty by November, but it doesn't hurt to take early notice of them.

The Governor's Race Comes to Columbus

2006-06-19T12:42:00.000-04:00

Ted Strickland will appear at a rally 4:00 today, Monday June 19, at the Shelter House, 120 W. Goodale Blvd. in Goodale Park. Also in attendance will be Lee Fisher, Michael Coleman, and Westsiders Mary Jo Kilroy and Dan Stewart.

Fire up the grandpamobile!

"Caging" Blacks

2006-06-19T10:45:00.000-04:00

Remember when Lord Blackwell decided what he really wanted was power,

so he broke his oaths and turned on the other Jedi?

The Cincinnati Beacon has Greg Palast's article on concerted Republican efforts to disenfranchise black voters. People like to believe because Will Smith is a star and Terrell Owens makes millions that there is no racism in America. That's true in the best of times, but we need safeguards for the worst of times. No matter how far we want to believe we've come, when the Republican party compiles "caging lists" for black neighborhoods to inhibit the right to vote, we are in the worst of times.

On Monday, Common Cause and a coalition of civil rights groups working to pass legislation that will renew and restore the Voting Rights Act want you to make three important calls to Congress.

Please use the toll-free number 1-866-808-0065 to call:

* House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL)
* House Majority Leader Jack Boehner (R-OH)
* Your own Representative

Urge Reps. Hastert and Boehner to use their leadership positions to bring H.R. 9 to the floor "as is," and to ensure that H.R. 9 passes without amendment. Then use the same toll-free number to call your representative and urge him/her to fully support H.R. 9.

November 2004

When we vote, they lose.

Goodbye, Dear Friend

2006-06-16T13:53:00.000-04:00

'Nuff said.

After a year of criss-crossing "red state" Ohio, driving across Indiana and Illinois to St. Louis and back again, I lost a faithful companion - my IMPEACH BUSH! bumper magnet. In the last year, I have gotten compliments from random teens and fire chiefs, bus drivers and pick-up drivers for those two words on the back of my station wagon.

We were staying with family at the Holiday Inn Express in Harmarville outside of Pittsburgh. Apart from the nice wait staff at Rotelli's, it was a unremarkable stretch of strip malls along the Allegheny. Never mind that I had been contemplating switching out the magnet for Mary Jo Kilroy and Jennifer Brunner stickers. During our last night there, someone stole the magnet from my car and never said a word to me.

It's true what they say. "Thieves are a cowardly, superstitious lot..."

Still Crazy After All These Captions

2006-06-14T23:35:00.000-04:00

"No, under your other eye."

Thought I'd ease myself back in with some captions, Norb-style. Goodness knows, I don't want to over do it and hurt myself. Goodness knows.

Music Manifesto

2006-06-09T18:58:00.000-04:00

A spiritless offering this week. Let's wade in.

1. Life Is Shit The Dead Milkmen Slow, sloppy sentimental punk. Maybe the Sex Pistols would still be alive if they were this sensitive. Of course, they would still suck. 9

2. She Loves Me Stephen Duffy A big "Huh?" off the Some Kind of Wonderful Soundtrack. Not half bad. Mr. Duffy sounds like a straight John Lennon. 6

3. W.M.A. Pearl Jam Kind of a meandering, obnoxious tune about Eddie Vedder's guilt. One extra point for irritating the Doughy Pantload, and one extra point for coming off the underrated Vs. album. 6

4. Get to This Los Lobos Unlike sex, pizza and Van Halen, there is no such thing as "bad" Los Lobos. 7

5. Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World U2 Achtung Baby is still the highwater mark for me, but this is what's politely called "mood music." 4

6. Going Somewhere Colin Hay A drunken, bouncy, bittersweet folk/showtune from the ex-Men At Work frontman. The way he fills this niche, he should have written for the Muppets. 7

7. 14 Years Guns N' Roses Oh crap, I'll take the 2 and move on. You suck, faux-country GnR.

8. Seasons Chris Cornell Amazing how he poured the Soundgarden vibe into a little acoustic bit. And this gets me nothing on the "coolness" scale, but I love the Singles soundtrack. I was young, it was a college thing, like ripped jeans... 8

9. It's Alright Indigo Girls Kinda catchy, but too dense for me to deal with right now. It's Friday. 5

10. $100 Groom Paul Westerberg Off of Folker, not his best. He got heavy into the Richardsish riffs and repeated couplets. Works earlier on songs like "Eyes Like Sparks," not so much here. 6

Meh. I've got to go put food on my family, so I wish you all a wonderful weekend, you princes of the muddy rivers, you princesses of the plains. Blogging will be light next week, so you'll have to go elsewhere for your unhinged Blackwell bashing.

Bean Dinner Build Up

2006-06-08T23:31:00.000-04:00

View from the Westside

Tuesday's Greater Hilltop Area Commission went fine. At the end of the meeting, all candidates had the chance to speak for three minutes on why they were running. I decided to go the conservative route and keep it shorter. It's pretty simple.

Hi there. I'm Joe Decker. I know many of you are lifelong residents of the Hilltop. I grew up in Cincinnati, and found my way to Columbus with my wife. We moved to the Hilltop in the fall of 1999. When I wasn't busy with my two daughters, I spent the last six years gutting our house, rewiring, replumbing, drywalling and painting. And as my family finally begins to see the end of a long, long, long remodel, people have said to us, "You must be ready to sell now."

That's not why we moved here. In the Hilltop, we've found a community we love. Neighbors who talk to one another, our kids can walk to school, and it's not a fifteen minute drive to get to the store, the library, the post office or the park.

Some things you do not just for self-interest. You act from your heart. That's how I feel about my house and my neighborhood. I want to join the commission to work for the Hilltop and continue the work you all have begun.

Although this is a non-partisan position (that is, no one runs as Democrat, Republican, Green Independant, etc.), one hot-button issue has developed. The state of the Old Fire Station 17 on West Broad. I blogged on it earlier, and plugged their site. Evidently, other people have decided to run on this as their main issue.

I still have questions about the process, but any discussion of it (mainly in the Westside Messenger) has degenerated into he said/ she said arguments. It's been frustrating trying to get an accurate picture of the events up 'til this point. The mayor's office has promised to preserve the Fire Station as part of the medical center, and I've decided to trust them, and verify that trust through the Hilltop Commissions place on the design boards (which everyone can do at the monthly commission meetings - first Tuesday of each month*, Hilltop Library). That way, the Fire Station will also get some of the maintenence funding it needs as well.

It seems like the most reasonable solution to me.

* since the first Tuesday of July is the Fourth, GHAC will meet on July 11

You're Standing On My Head

2006-06-08T09:20:00.000-04:00

Cry havoc, and let slip the elephants of war!

It's Thursday, which means it's one day after Norbizness' Wednesday captions. It's the funniest stuff you'll read all week. Unless you read something funnier. Which goes without saying.

I didn't really need to say that.

Catching Up With the Ohio Blogosphere

2006-06-07T00:30:00.000-04:00

Home of the Buckeye Blogg...

Aww, crap!

Just in case everyone thinks I've morphed into a Reds version of That Chick, let me get back to the bright lights, big blogs of Ohio.

First, something amazing happened this weekend. Small, local blogs made a splash at the Ohio Democratic Party State Dinner. Illinois Senator Obama opened the door for an invigorating grassroots moment. Blogs certainly aren't the key to winning. They're not even a fifth of the formula. But in a government where Lord Blackwell can get his hands on the levers of democracy, we have to fight with every weapon we have. I'm sure you've seen the write-ups at Plunderbund, BSB, Psychobilly, and the others.

Second, one of the guys on the front line has left. Tim Russo of Democracy Guy was a prime force towards things like this last weekend and Meet the Bloggers. He could also be one of our most caustic voices. In the short time I've been online, Tim has already had Nixonian peaks and valleys.

Tim was kind of the homeless guy on the corner for me. I never knew the entire backstory, but there were big skeletons. He would yell out some stuff. Sometimes it seemed very wise. Sometimes it made me quicken my pace.

And that skeleton? It was some variation on soliciting a minor. I don't recall the specific legaleese. None of this is exactly new, but the Cleveland Plain-Dealer decided to take him down, and take him down hard.

To be honest, Tim's past (which was aired earlier in a lefty blogfight) creeps me out. Does it impact his political writing? I never thought so, though I often disagreed with that writing on its own merits. I guess the political arena means that people can reach beyond the merits of your argument to the "worst mistake of [your] entire life" as Tim euphamistically phrases it.

I could point out that Ken Blackwell's son brought a gun to my high school, and faced neither expulsion or legal action. Just another case of separate rules for the privileged. What's that have to do with Lord Blackwell's campaign? Not much.

The pertinent question is, why does the Plain Dealer decide to dig up dirt on a blogger, but not a gubernatorial candidate?

Manna From Baseball Heaven

2006-06-06T23:28:00.000-04:00

Prolonging the curse...

Living in Columbus, AM 1230 is my radio oasis. I get Stephanie Miller in the mornings, and Reds baseball at night. Now the cow town progressive talk station is giving away the collector's edition of A&E's 1975 World Series dvd box set. The seven disc set has every minute of the greatest series ever played. And contrary to every baseball highlight film you've ever seen, the Sawks don't win it on Fisk's home run in Game 6. I was too young to remember this brick in the legacy of Baseball's Greatest Team, so thank you very much AM 1230.

They're still giving away box sets 'til June 11, so check it out.

Hilltop Commission Meeting

2006-06-05T22:51:00.000-04:00

Timely like a Griffey HR

The Greater Hilltop Area Commission will be meeting on Tuesday, June 6. The meeting begins at 7 pm at the Hilltop Library Branch. In addition to the usual business (zoning, permits, public safety), I'll have three minutes to ~~make an ass of myself~~ introduce myself to the commissioners and make my case for votes at the Bean Dinner.

"Amor, eres mi voz."

2006-06-05T15:28:00.000-04:00

Sweeter than

Cracker Jacks

and beer.

Read As I Read - The Nation's past time. I stumbled across Shakespeare Bats Cleanup by chance. I was buying a book for a niece at Cover to Cover, the great kid's bookshop in Clintonville, and that title caught my eye. How could it not?

Shakespeare Bat Cleanup is a "novel in free verse" by Ron Koertge that deals with the slide of Kevin, a fourteen year-old star first baseman into a bout of mono. Forced to put down his glove, and forgotten by his friends, Kevin turns introspective. He starts writing his thoughts out in a journal, defensively scribbling, "It kind of looks like poetry, but no way is it poetry. It's just stuff."

Kevin decides he wants to actually find out what poetry is like, so he smuggles one of his dad's old textbooks into his room "like it's the new Penthouse." In the process of sorting out his thoughts on girls, his missing teammates, and where his mom went, he tries out a haiku, sonnet, and sestina. The results are charming, bittersweet revelations.

Escapism Illustrated

2006-05-31T11:51:00.000-04:00

"I said, WHAT'S UP ROG?"

Not much happening locally, and I'm just too damn depressed by my country's descent into fascism. Time for a weekly immunization against Herb Tarlekism from den Norb.

"Countin' On A Remedy"

2006-05-26T18:56:00.000-04:00

Desmond Dekker

1941 - 2006 RIP

1. Wasted Letters to Cleo Not the Word of Mouth song

2. Your Spirit's Alive Dropkick Murphys Hell of a story

3. Seed Sublime Most overrated posthumous band this side of Nirvana

4. Cease Bad Religion A decent song off The Gray Race

5. Born to Lose Die Toten Hosen Ugh. Bestens auf deutsch, Jungs

6. Another Drinkin' Song The Mighty Mighty Bosstones Love for Rudi

7. Little Twelvetoes Chavez Doesn't suck

8. Get Back The Beatles When I was a kid stuck at McD's grill, I used to piss of an older guy by telling him Van Halen was a better rock band than the Beatles. Antagonistic? Sure. True? Hell yeah.

9. Some Rainy Sunday Juliana Hatfield Faded into smaller label status, but productive and enjoyable.

10. Love Untold Paul Westerberg "It never came to be... I'm told."

Keep Passing Open Windows

2006-05-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

Only for die-hards

Read As I Read goes back home with old favorite John Irving. Despite bad reviews and the heartfelt warning of a friend, I couldn't stay away from Until I Find You. To use one of his favorite motifs, reading Irving is like wrestling a familiar opponent. You know you're going to see certain moves every time, the only question is how they will be worked into the match. The old stand-bys are here: Exeter Academy, wrestling, religion, German, hookers, sexual abuse, damaged relationships, and missing parents.

Jack Burns' father met his mother while playing church organ. The two separated, Jack was born in Canada, and then a chase begins across the port cities of Northern Europe. Burns' mother is a tattoo artist, learning from the old masters. She chases Burns' father as he apprentices himself to one church after another. But when Jack reaches school age, he and his mother return to Canada without his father.

Jack is part of one of the first male classes at St. Hilda's School for Girls. From his first day, he establishes a bizarre relationship with Emma Oastler. When she is not terrorizing and molesting him, she's acts as his protector. Jack becomes more distant from his mother, who works odd hours at the tattoo parlor, and Emma becomes the central figure in his life. The teachers try to take him under their wing, and encourage his desire to act.

Acting becomes the vehicle for Jack's life, and carries him through college, summer theater, and out to Los Angeles. His career falls into place, but his personal life continues to plumb new depths. Jack seeks therapy and tries to deal with his parents.

Until I Find You is alleged to be Irving's white whale. It was a decade in the making, rewritten and torn apart. Unfortunately, it shows. Stylistically, interesting characterizations and plot twists are undercut by repetition that seems to have come from excessive shuffling. The book is 820 pages long, and reads like it was never edited. Thematically, Jack suffers a lot of sexual abuse. That can be a difficult thing to read, especially when one of his attackers remains his closest friend. Adding to the dissonance is the Dickensian narrator who intrudes at odd times. I was embarrassed for Irving when I read, "Jack Burns was twenty-three. Emma Oastler was thirty. Boy, were their lives about to change!" Hopefully, Irving can find his stride again with this book off his back.

Why Don't Ney and Blackwell Just Get a Room?

2006-05-25T22:45:00.000-04:00

"What's wrong with a man and a man...

Oh, wait. That's a woman.

Still, it's all cool."

I can't imagine feeling compelled to regularly vote for a party that discriminates against a subset of Americans. But the fact is that the Republican Party is a bigoted, divisive organization who's motto is "Divide and Conquer."

I know good individuals who are traditional Republicans. But their leaders have become financially and ideologically corrupted. Politicians like Ney and Blackwell have made it apparent that you are either with them, or against the egalitarian concept that Americans should be judged by what they can do, not who you think they are.

Like Tim Ryan says, these politicians are "Unable to Govern." The gaybashing and fear of a brown planet are smoke bombs to distract voters from the facts. From the White House to the Statehouse, Republican governance has been a failure.

There are times I'm embarrassed for the Democratic Party. Not only for the electoral losses, but for the constant abuse they silently take. (I'm from the Feingold School of "Better to be shrill, than rounded up.") But I really appreciate that Democrats are by and large a tolerant party that is more concerned with serving Americans than scapegoating a select few for petty political gain.

A Visual Representation of My Humor Rut

2006-05-24T18:01:00.000-04:00

"It puts the lotion on the caption."*

Once again, the answer isn't under this cheap link, Clarice.

While you're at it, mark your calendars. Thursday is the Third Birthday of The Blog That Redeemed Texas. A roast is and drunken captioning will follow. BYOB.

*Like Truman Capote said, serial killers are funny.

I See Racist People

2006-05-24T00:15:00.000-04:00

A Nation With Its Priorities In Order

Oh, hell. This is probably not worth it, but if I don't write it, Blogger will just give the space to a Taylor Hicks fanpage. A grandpaboy reader sent in the following copy of spam email "humor" form his family in a small, all-white Ohio town:

Here's one for blogspot. It's the reason the Dems face an uphill battle for the minds of the people of [town]. They are clearly oppressed...

Subject: Are We Racists?

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.

(Don't take it personal. Everyone sneers at you.)

You call me "Whiteboy", "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and you think it's OK.

(You forgot "poster child for birth control," "fuckwit" and "waste of sperm.")

But when I call you, nigger, Spade, Towelhead, Camel Jockey, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.

(You didn't capitalize "nigger"? Mark Twain is going to kick your ass!)

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

(Um, 'cuz the neglected infrastructure, inadequate health care, and racist police procedures?)

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month.

(Don't forget the forty acres!)

You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET.

(Okay, you're all over the map again. Cesar Chavez Day and BET? That's the kind of "me vs. the world" attitude that got Hitler's extra-crispy ass handed to him)

If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.

(You do have it. It's called NBC.)

If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.

(Thank God for the Republic we only have St. Patrick's Day, Oktoberfest, Mardi Gras, Italian-American Pride Days, and Princess Di collectable plates from the Franklin Mint.)

If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.

(Look, it's only one month, and it's February. The shortest, coldest month. Show a little class.)

If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.

(No, you'd be more advanced, i.e. not racists, possibly less stupid.)

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.

(Or the University of Michigan under President Bush.)

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White Colleges" that would be a racist college.

(Black Colleges exist because blacks weren't allowed into White Colleges. So you kind of shot yourself in the foot there, Gomer.)

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

(Based on this spam, yes. I would call you racists.)

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

(Have you looked at yourself?)

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.

(There is so much stupidity packed into that little butt nugget, I'm amazed my monitor has not collapsed in upon itself, like Poltergeist 6: Bob Jones Is In My Computer.)

I am proud.

(And have obviously forgotten what comes before the fall. Hint: It's not summer.)

But, you call me a racist.

(Empirically, you are.)

Why is it that only whites appear to be racists???

(Wow. You're super thoughtful question has blown me away, with the power of its three question marks. That's extra questioney.)

Forward, if you agree.

Please, dear reader (to swipe from Montag and Ms. Manners) do not take this painfully long post as me agreeing with 1-800-White-Pride. This post is for educational purposes only, and may not be reposted, forwarded or rebroadcast in any way without the express written consent of Marge Schott. And she's dead.

It just seemed extra necessary, with the quality of high school graduates produced by Lord Blackwell's ideological brethren in Georgia.

Our Man In Hell

2006-05-22T23:07:00.000-04:00

Back to lowbrow...

Tricky Dick's got a spot saved for President Li'l Buddy at the Sizzler!

Thanks to Agitprop for the pic, and to my mitbloggers for their support. I am out knocking on doors.

Generally speaking. Not at 11:00 PM. That would be rude.

It's Official

2006-05-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna get me

some Kos money.

Every year I learn more about politics. I grew up in Butler County on an unincorporated stretch of country/ suburbia, what the kids are calling "exurbia" these days. My first election was the presidential contest of '92. After growing up in the shadow of Cincinnati, Controversy Capital of the Midwest, it was a thrill to see Clinton step up after 12 years of Reagan/Bush. I became more aware of the House, issue advocacy and national politics, but moved around a lot as a student. At the end of '99, my wife and I settled down on the Hilltop, Columbus' westside.

Like most other Americans, or at least voting Americans, I focused on politics at the national level. I didn't realize how much I was missing. Every November for the past six years has revealed more and more of what's going on around me. My neighbors have taught me a lot. The Ohio blogs have become a tremendous resource. I've also learned a lot from the Greater Hilltop Area Commission. And I feel like it's time for me to give back.

On June 24 at the annual Bean Dinner, Hilltop residents will be voting in four commissioners. It's a three year term without compensation to the GHAC, who act as community advocates for the Mayor's office and Columbus City Council. I'm going to be on the ballot (as Joe Decker, not grandpaboy). Wish me luck.

Do You Like Breathing?

2006-05-19T13:35:00.000-04:00

"Once you get used to the smell of rendered hog fat,

you'll wonder how you lived without it!"

A friend of grandpaboy pointed out his working conditions to me, via the delightful Mike Harden. A filth-choked Department of Health is what you get with men like Taft and Blackwell in charge.

TEL - The Conflict Within

2006-05-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

"I can't believe they cast Jake Lloyd as me!"

Remember that scene in Episode I where little Lord Blackwell worked really, really hard to build his own pod racer? And little Greedo laughed at him, because it was such a piece of shit, and wouldn't work? So Lord Blackwell went psycho and beat him to death with a space wrench?

Yeah, that scene got cut.

There's More Than One Kind of Green

2006-05-18T12:39:00.000-04:00

Grassrooty goodness

As noted before, the top right of grandpaboy has been devoted to advertisers for Meet the Bloggers. For the uninitiated, MTB is a groundbreaking grassroots project. Candidates sit down with local bloggers and talk. Readers can send in questions, and the entire event is podcast, transcribed, and reported by individual bloggers. There is of course costs associated with this, so the idea was hatched for advertising to support the effort.

I've had the luck to participate in two MTB events (posts here, here and here), and it was a civic experience like no other. This ad space is reserved to support the work that MTB does for Ohio's grassroots. I don't have any contact with the advertisers, and they don't have anything to do with grandpaboy-related activity programs. At some point, I might see a small bit of money from these ads. First, Jeff at Have Coffee Will Write suggested that we put MTB in the black. So that golf trip to Scotland will just have to wait.

In the mean time, click through and support MTB.

American Nazis

2006-05-18T09:42:00.000-04:00

I hate American Nazis.

Hughes for America and WireCan point out why every time modern Republicans refer to themselves the "Party of Lincoln" they should do penance. From World Net Daily:

Not only will [massive deportation] work, but one can easily estimate how long it would take. If it took the Germans less than four years to rid themselves of 6 million Jews, many of whom spoke German and were fully integrated into German society, it couldn't possibly take more than eight years to deport 12 million illegal aliens, many of whom don't speak English and are not integrated into American society.

Umm, that's fucked up. And for the record, it's the wingnuts comparing themselves to Nazis now. Let a fool talk long enough, and they will indict themselves. Or as TravisG puts it,

That's why it's important to delve into Townhall and Renew America and World Net Daily and all the rest, because some people read that stuff -- and for real. They take this stuff seriously.

"Doctor-assisted Elmocide" *

2006-05-17T11:29:00.000-04:00

I believe Pete Seeger is operated by Caroll Spinney.

Wednesday, once a week,
click on Norb,
to be a caption geek!

* And take back one kadam to honor Otto Man whose title this is.

A Charming Anecdote

2006-05-17T00:48:00.000-04:00

pwn3d

I was told the following by a friend and grandpaboy reader. That's two sources, right? Doesn't matter. I share it because I am the Welfare King of Apocrypha.

The reader and a friend were driving through the Mid-Ohio countryside. They had volunteered to lay out a course for the ADA Tour De Cure, a bike race to raise funds for diabetes research. As their job demanded, they stopped at a farm on the route to ask if their property on the road could be used to set up tents for checkpoints, drink stations, support etc. The Lord's work, right?

Generally, the farmers are very hospitable. They do everything they can to help, and they do it with a smile. A lot of folks in the country side around Columbus are accustomed to seeing cyclists on the weekends.

So when he pulled into a driveway last week, he had no cause for concern. No answer at the front door. Still not concerned. They heard some activity at the back of the house, so they walked down the drive to the back. Everything's okay.

When the wife came to the screen door, they began their spiel - introducing themselves, explaining the charity and all. They began to sense something was off when the woman refused to make eye contact. When she shook her head back and forth, non-stop, they got a little creeped out. But they apologized for their intrusion and walked back up the drive.

They were on their way to the van when the door flies open and out waddles an angry middle-aged man. Kinda freaky. My friend and his co-volunteer reach the van by the time the portly man reaches them. He spits out his considerable mouthload of the dinner they interrupted onto the hood of my friend's van. Then he proceeds to launch into a diatribe entitled, "Goddamn Hippies!"

Now, they were helping raise money for diabetes research. Not collecting guns to hand over to John Kerry and Jane Fonda, who would melt the long, hard weapons down and recycle them into feminist sex toys, rendering men everywhere doubly impotent. Curing diabetes.

Instead, my friend got a face full of spittle and specks of food, as this asshole screamed at him. They got into their van, and got the hell out of there. From there, they drove on, found many friendly, neighborly people who wanted to help. And they all laughed at the asshole.

Why 29% Matters

2006-05-12T12:02:00.000-04:00

Someone's going to be having a whole lotta NyQuiladas this weekend.

Back at St.X, when we reviewed game film from Friday nights, our line coach would tally tackles, sacks, and so on. Whenever a player arrived late to the tackle and flopped atop his teammates to pad his stats, coach also sarcastically awarded a JOP (jump-on-the-pile). It was a good lesson in the difference between doing something and nothing.

I normally eschew national stories, because there are so many people who get to the tackle first. But the time has come for all good Americans to squish the boy king. 29% is not low enough. And these numbers aren't simply about castrating the '08 GOP presidential nominee by making Bush toxic.

Our country needs a repudiation of this administration. To regain our credibility, people of all political stripes have got to reject the illegal tactics of the last six years. Ideally, this dissatisfaction will create a watershed in the '06 elections and start us on the road back to self-respect.

It is time to pile on.

Right Angle Blog Plays Race Card, Loses

2006-05-11T12:36:00.000-04:00

"You have failed me for the last time"

Again, showing the kind of racial sensitivity the right is known for, RAB complains,

Can someone here tell me how a couple of NYT reporters can think to write a credible analysis of Ohio's 2006 elections without even once mentioning the name of Ken Blackwell... (not that I expect the NYT to be fair to any Republican, especially a black one).

Paragraphs like that are exactly why RAB should stick to pasting "very interesting" and "check it out" after his link dumps. Instead, the reader is subjected to dusty prejudices. According to him, The New York Times hates Republicans. That's the same New York Times that suppressed the story of Bush's illegal domestic spying. The same New York Times that was a faithful cheerleader for Bush's war in Iraq. That New York Times.

And in case you missed it, RAB says black Republicans are extra, super hated by us lefties. It's not Blackwell's flim-flam Forbesian economic plans or his scapegoating of gays for Republican social ills. It's not entirely the irony of a black man denying people's vote. It's because our puny liberal minds can't put together "black" and "Republican."

To no one's surprise, the NYT did mention Lord Blackwell. Six times. By name.

Why can't RAB read?

The Soft Blogging of Low Expectations

2006-05-11T11:13:00.000-04:00

Alive, but busy. I'll be back with more local politics, snark and Friday Random Tens that are cooler than Taft, Blackwell, and Betty put together.

"Silver Beads of Love"

2006-05-05T13:18:00.000-04:00

Hide the mallets!

1. Spirits in the Material World The Police The synthezizer/string chop they have going on gets REALLY tedious. Other than that, lots of new agey lyric fun. "There must be another way." 5

2. Lady of Spain Marvin Suggs and Muppaphone (Bonus Waldorf and Statler) Frank Oz as the Fozzie-sounding Marvin Suggs is very disturbing in the way he abuses his musicians. Kind of like Gene Simmons. But the appearance of my favorite foam senior citizens elevate the score. "And now, Lady of Spain, the song!" 7

3. She Moves On Paul Simon Coincedently, a song that came up in conversation a couple days ago. Good background music, tho I'm tempted to yell "SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!" More soul and rythem than I got, but that's not saying much. "She moves on. She moves on. She moves on." 4

4. Helpless Automation Men At Work Ah, sweeter coincidence. After a decade long fued with Ben Krieger over who is better, iTUnes has finally brought The Police and Men At Work together. Not the songs I would have chosen, but Fate has guided my hand and the debate is settled. Eat it Ben! "I feel no pain, metal heart and a metal brain." 6

5. Shooting Dirty Pool The Replacements The crack "Why don't you get a haircut, sister?" is the best use of in-song dialogue since David Lee Roth in "Unchained," and worth an extra point. Other than that, just a good rock n roll song. "You're the coolest guy that I ever have smelt. Ain't a notch on nobody's belt."7

6. Can't Stop the Rain Los Lobos A funky blues song that hit me the right way today. "She'll never understand." 9

7. Alone Lisa Loeb & Nine Tails Not just throwing a bone out to My Boring Best. Back in the day (and still), Loeb was cute as anything, with a bit of Zep-like stomp on her first album. "I press my tongue to the top of my mouth, cuz my jaw was tired from thinking, and I stretch my toes to the end of the couch, cuz my back was aching from sleeping." 10

8. Royal Oil The Mighty Mighty Bosstones More album tracks from the late, great Bosstones. One of my biggest dissappointments was going to buy tickets for the Question the Answers tour (this was before I knew about Ticketmast and credit cards) and getting shot down. I think my friends were relieved at not having to go and pissed at me for crossing up their Friday. "Stab like daggers, make you stagger on hot tin foil" 7

9. Don't You Push Me Down Woody Guthrie Oh, stay far away. You got to love Woody, but this is off of a children's album, and consists of Woody giving rules to kid on how to play. The whole thing sounds like a folk song off of Ren & Stimpy. "Don't you push me down!" 1

10. Tears In the Holston River Johnny Cash with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band A beautiful elegy to two of the Carter family. "On October twenty-third, 1978, I lost a loved one and I confess I cried..." 7

grandpaboy FRT 6.3

Fixer Upper

2006-05-04T14:12:00.000-04:00

mmm...

pork tarts

Hiss Quarterly has the latest bit of insanity from Tom Barlow: pork tarts, killer robots and love.

Ethan scored a supply of amphetamines and swapped his last pair of new tennis shoes for a case of stale toaster tarts and two pounds of coffee. He couldn't think of anything else to do in preparation for the double assignments. He started the first day of the projects on 1 July with a fine speed-and-sugar buzz. It lasted all of fifteen minutes.

Chandler and Wenders Had a Baby...

2006-05-03T23:15:00.000-04:00

...and it was ugly.

Karaoke Punk by Christian Tagger starts off promising. Set in the reunified Berlin, Ziggy (not him) is a slacker bachelor sweating out the dog days in Germany's marshy capital. His life is as empty as his refrigerator. Between cigarettes and whiskey, he tries to track down his ex at the behest of her current girlfriend. Quicker than you can say "in over his head," bodies start piling up, incriminating photos are found, and the police keep yelling at him.

It only gets more complicated from there. In the pulp tradition, Ziggy bulls through the confusion. Unfortunately, the reader is left with more red herrings than characterization. There are hints of flirtation, growth and an oncoming mid-life crisis. They are allowed to whither, and what's left is a servicable page turner. It's a waste of great tone and metaphor, such as the description of a cold, emotionally absent character's bedroom. "Mit weißer Bettwäsche... hätte der Raum ein hübsches Krankenzimmer abgegeben." (With white bed sheets... the room could have passed for a sweet hospital room.) Tja.

Last Thought On a Messy Primary

2006-05-03T21:36:00.000-04:00

Plunderbund gives a classy thank you to a classy candidate. I really hope this is a step forward for Chandra, because I think he's called to serve Ohio. We'd be better for it.

Zoinks, Yo

2006-05-03T11:47:00.000-04:00

"I wore a sixteen

pound beard of bees

for that woman."

Join in the zany caption hi-jinks.

It Is On

2006-05-02T09:23:00.000-04:00

You can cheat like hell.

We're still taking you out.

I did my patriotic duty this morning. No, not turning towards Washington DC and extending my middle finger. I voted in the primary.

Of particular note, we were back to our customary FIVE voting machines today, after Lord Blackwell left us with TWO for a presidential election. Huh. And by "Huh," I mean "Dear Jeebus, I cannot wait to tear that lying sack of crap a new one in November."

Wrong Wrong Wrong

2006-05-02T08:48:00.000-04:00

"It's not got much rat in it."

Speaking of things German, I was perusing Spiegel, and came across an article that was twisted like Ken Blackwell.

For non-teutonophones and the click-adverse, here's the summary. Prince Henrik of Denmark enjoys eating dog. And no, it does not taste like chicken. He says it's quiet dry, and comparable to veal. Also, he loves the royal dachshunds in a non-culinary way.

I may not be a dog person, but that's not right.

"What Fresh Hell Is This?"

2006-05-01T21:15:00.000-04:00

Obviously, this was taken

before all those dinners at Signatures.

In case you missed this tidbit in the comments, Ohio 15th has the icky sticky.

Tomorrow Laura Bush will be at a fundraiser for Pryce. The fundraiser will begin at 11am at the Hyatt Regency, 350 N. High Street, in Columbus (across from the Nationwide Insurance building).

Speaking as a representee of Pryce's, I gotta say she sucks like toast with no butter. I have called her office on several occasions, and only gotten the most moldy of talking points from some College Republican working the phone banks with golf junkets and hookers in his eyes.

UPDATE: Shout out to Renee for the Dorthy Parker "Fresh Hell" quote.

A Very Special Episode of Grandpaboy

2006-05-01T16:16:00.000-04:00

hubsch

As I write this post, traffic is being blocked on Georgesville Road by protests. Georgesville and West Broad are your typical mix of sprawl, decay and poor planning. There is also a plethora of cheap apartments, and the corridor is home to many Latino families.

Since today is ~~Give Michelle Malkin An Aneurism Day~~ A Day Without Immigrants, I thought I'd share my own little heartwarming exchange. The Hilltop and westside are home to a large part of Columbus' Latino community. So when I was collecting signatures for the minimum wage ballot initiative last month, I wasn't surprised to find people at the Westside Flea Market who didn't speak English. To the most reactionary Americans, that automatically makes these people criminals.

Other patrons spoke English as a second language and were friendly to me. Some were also registered voters, and happy to sign their intent to raise Ohio's embarrassing minimum wage. Shop owners took time from their work to sign, introduced me to others, and translated.

One man stopped, and was unable to understand what I was saying. His ten year old daughter stepped up and repeated everything I said in Spanish. She spoke perfect English and was as polite as could be.

When I hear the talking heads (and the empty heads that follow them) talking about the "brown menace," I think back to the history of my hometown, Cincinnati. At the turn of the century, Cincy had a vibrant German community. English was the second language in many homes. Neighborhood newspapers were printed in German. Streets were named Goethe, Schiller, Hauptstrasse and so on. There were tensions with the Angelicanized parts of town, but things worked. Until World War I, when an ugly set of laws were pushed through forbidding use of German. Street names were changed to Washington, Columbia and Montana. The Prohibition came. And then World War II.

I don't mean to romanticize the period. But the city lost part of what made it special, and that homogenization didn't bring any improvement of human nature - the same bastards were to be found everywhere. Maybe it did ease the inclusion of the Boergermeisters and the Bollmers, the Reiffs and the Raabes. After all, they were white. But the fears back then were the same ones we hear now, the same ones that have been shrieked about the Irish, the Italians, and Blacks. America has always found a way to include or segregate these people. The same will happen with the latest wave. How we handle it will show if we've learned anything in the last hundred years.

Meet the Bloggers Marches On

2006-05-01T12:16:00.000-04:00

MTB is conducting a survey as they explore advertising to fund operating costs. Since I was a participant in the Columbus sessions, I get to be a surveyor. Once again, 90% of life is showing up.

Please take one minute to click through the survey. Danke.

He Ain't Red, and That's No Wolf

2006-04-28T15:33:00.000-04:00

Everything old is new again.

1. Cold Cold Heart - Hank Williams 8

2. Für Elise - Beethoven 10

3. Farewell, Angelina - Bob Dylan 6

4. I Need a Lover - John Mellencamp 9

5. Brand New Cadillac - The Clash 6

6. Good Ol' Boy (Gettin' Tough) - Steve Earle 8

7. Amafutha Esibane - Ladysmith Black Mazambo 6

8. The Red Rooster - Howlin' Wolf 6

9. Black 35 - Ben Krieger 8

10. Dance the Night Away - Van Halen 10

grandpaboy FRT 7.7