Ensmallening the Nation's Soul

After learning the D-10 tractor was NOT a Constructicon,

President Bush flew into a murderous rage.





















As is often the case these days, the truth is scarier...

"I would suggest moving back," Bush said as he climbed into the cab of a massive D-10 tractor. "I'm about to crank this sucker up." As the engine roared to life, White House staffers tried to steer the press corps to safety, but when the tractor lurched forward, they too were forced to scramble for safety."Get out of the way!" a news photographer yelled. "I think he might run us over!" said another. White House aides tried to herd the reporters the right way without getting run over themselves. Even the Secret Service got involved, as one agent began yelling at reporters to get clear of the tractor. Watching the chaos below, Bush looked out the tractor's window and laughed, steering the massive machine into the spot where most of the press corps had been positioned.

I didn't know whether to laugh until I wet my pants, or drop to my knees and pray we all get out alive. Either way, you have to give it up for Junior. No other President has so relentlessly pursued metaphor.

The usual scrappy band has all this and more at the weekly Captiononomicon. Go vent your own spleen, before it gets run over.

"Bummer."

"I'll be in Mexico 'til this thing blows over."*







An entire city's education system is shut down by a junkie bus driver. The horrid details are up at the newly relevant Dispatch.

God knows it goes against everything Blogdom stands for to go off half-cocked, but why have the three words Superintendent, Gene and Harris come to form such an unholy chain reaction, not unlike three Smilex-brand hygiene products, that I want to itch and cry uncontrollably?

As what is wonkily known as a "stakeholder" in the quagmire that is Ohio public education, how often can I be subjected to the high-priced antics of an unelected official. Just because her job is ridiculously difficult does not mean we can't expect a modicum of competence. Instead of solutions to the leeching charter schools, burdens of standardized testing, or diminished gifted and talented programs, Columbus taxpayers are offered unfunded panaceas, like school uniforms.

I have the utmost respect for the job before the Superintendent and the School Board. And I don't doubt their good intentions, despite the fact that they won't place their children in the Columbus Public School System. And I know that many of their problems are the legacy of a corrupt, gay-baiting Statehouse that can't be bothered with the welfare of our children.

But can't we expect a little more than this? Or put in a language we can all understand:

Why is it when I heard the word 'school' and the word 'exploded,' I immediately thought of the word 'SKINNER'?



* This post is not endorsed by, nor intended to represent the opinions of Otto Man. Post are intended for entertainment purposes only. Any attempt at meaningful public debate, dialogue, education, rebroadcasts or further transmissions are strictly prohibited.

Two Questions

1) Does Garth Brooks know Beckham is raiding his wardrobe?
2) How the hell did the Preznit correctly spell 'America'?


What better way to distract yourself from the grisly annual aftermath of the simian Boy King's pack of damned lies State of the Union pep rally than with some caption-style fun? The 21st century's Laff-a-Lympics are at HFPST.

It's that, or call Open Line with Fred Anderle. I've tried both, and the captions worked better.

Art for Choice's Sake

But pro-life art is so classy!







From my ever-popular inbox. Wait. That sounds dirty.

Anyhoo, NARAL Pro Choice Ohio along with students from CCAD and The OSU will present a unique art exhibit, Stories of Our Mothers. It will look at the experiences of women before abortion was legal in the United States.

Stories of Our Mothers will show above the Surly Girl Saloon, on Saturday January 20 starting at 7:30. Tickets are ten bucks, five for students.

Fair Warning

Didn't the Dutch rip-off our flag?










I meant to post on this earlier, but you get the blogger you pay for, not the blogger with copious amounts of free-time.

After an interesting summer, the rehab of the Engine House 17 continues apace. This far, the City of Columbus has kept all promises it has made to the Hilltop: the fire house will be preserved and community space will be set aside. For anyone who would like to poke at the wounds and make sure, or simply bask in the warm basking glow, here's the info:

The Greater Hilltop Area Commission Zoning Committee will meet tomorrow night, Tuesday, at 7:00 at the Hilltop Library. There will be a presentation by the architects who are working on the new West Side Health & Wellness Center. They will give a brief update as to the planning of the new facility. Tonight's focus will be on basics of how the facility will be put together. This will not be a meeting with a great deal of specifics. Three or more presentations will follow, where the architects and designers plan to provide more information to the committee and the full Hilltop Commission.

Save Miss Miller!

This one's for you, Squeezy.


















Clear Channel, the corporation that make Disney seem friendly, is planning to ax the success story that is 1230 AM. And they announce it while everyone is away on Christmas break. If you want to make sure that the funniest show on radio sticks around Capital City, sign the damn petition. Thanks to Eric and Progress Ohio for organizing.

UPDATE: Also, check out Ohio Majority Radio. They've been working with the Stephanie Miller Show and Ed Schultz. There are a number of options they've put together for frustrated central Ohioans.